I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't turn off my feet"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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