barbara walters just said penis...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
