onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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