Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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