I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize