sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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