Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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