I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
