i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
