"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
