I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
