Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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