I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
