Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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