Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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