WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
