if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
