Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
