She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
