a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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