woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
