I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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