Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
