help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
