one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize