3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
