This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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