i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
