guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you inspire me to be a worse person
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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