it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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