if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
