Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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