the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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