shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
