xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
