i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
