She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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