Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
