so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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