i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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