Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
