I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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