At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
