You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
