so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize