how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
