somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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