Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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