Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
