Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
