idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
