1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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