I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
