He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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