So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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