she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
