Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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