I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This is my gift to your gina
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
