How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
