Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
