So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your penis caused this!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
