how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
