He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
