im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
