best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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